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JOKES - Fishing Stories and Information that Entertain!
Passed from fisherman to fisherman, many stories get retold and
exaggerated.
Here are a few presented as received or overheard:
Don't forget your fishing
license! | On the right course
| The Seaman and the
Pirate...
Fishing Terms and Definitions | Ice
fishing | My wife's Gone Fishin'
| The Old Sailor
Why Men Like Boats! | Christmas
Crabs
Don't forget your fishing license!
A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden...
After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him...
"Lets see yer fishin' license, Boy!!" the Warden gasped.
With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replied the young feller, "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."
From: Capt Skip Slomski
On the right course
One night the captain of a tanker saw a light dead ahead.
He directed his signalman to flash a signal to the light which went.....
'Change course 10 degrees South.'
The reply was quickly flashed back...
'You change course 10 degrees North.'
The captain was a little annoyed at this reply and sent a further
message.....
'I am a captain. Change course 10 degrees South.'
Back came the reply....
'I am an able-seaman. Change course 10 degrees North.'
The captain was outraged at this reply and send a message....
'I am a 240,000 ton tanker. CHANGE course 10 degrees South!'
Back came the reply...
'I am a LIGHTHOUSE. Change course 10 degrees North!!!!'
From: Capt Skip Slomski
The Seaman and the Pirate...
A seaman meets a pirate in a port, and talk turns to their adventures
on the sea.
The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg leg?"
The pirate replies, "Aye, matey, we was in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as me men were pulling me out, a shark bit me leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook?"
"Well," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"
"A sea-gull dropping fell into me eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a sea-gull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.
"Not exactly," said the pirate. "It was me first day with the hook."
Fishing Terms and Definitions
Sinker -- An angler who steps off a dock with a ten-horse outboard motor in his arms is referred to as a sinker. Some athletic anglers claim they have actually swum fifty or sixty feet to shore while dragging a ten-horse motor, but it is generally believed that they simply walked along the bottom until they reached shallow water. Since the other anglers present continued to concentrate on putting their tackle together, no eyewitness accounts exist as to what actually may have been the case.
Split-shot Sinker -- An angler who suddenly drops into the water while standing with one foot on the dock and the other in a drifting boat and holding a ten-horse motor in his arms is known as a split-shot sinker. First he splits, then he sinks like a shot. The split is usually accompanied by a hideous screech, so horrible in fact that other anglers present have been known to look up briefly from sorting their tackle boxes.
Ice fishing....
On a cold day in February, Harry went ice fishing on his special lake up North. On this day the lake was not so special because Harry could not get a bite. Not too far away was this young man who was catching fish so Harry walked over near the young man and sure enough he was using the same bait (WORMS) and fishing the same way.
Anyway, Harry went back to his fishing hole but couldn't catch anything again. Harry, looking over at the young man who was still catching fish, went to him and asked what he was doing so special. The young man answered "Hmmmm Hmmmmm". "What?" said Harry. The young man replied "Hmmm Hmmm". Harry said "I don’t understand you".
The young man, putting his hand to his mouth and removing a handful of worms, said “YOU HAVE TO KEEP THEM WARM”
My wife's Gone Fishin'
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.
The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to
read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and
decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She
was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and
started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good
morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment..."
Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!
The Old Sailor
A very old retired sailor put on his old uniform and went down to the docks once more for old times sake. He found a young prostitute and went up Into her room with her. He draped his sailor suit across the bed as he got ready for the deed of intent. A few minutes later found him goin' at it the best he could for a guy his age and condition.
He looked up and asked her, "So, how am I doin' there, Honey?"
The prostitute replied, "Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"What's that?" he asked in confusion...
"Well, skippy, as I said, you're doing three knots. You're knot hard, you're knot in...and you're knot getting your money back!"
From: Clarence W. Lee
Why Men Like Boats!
Slightly Edited - From Capt. Rob LeCompte
- You can ride in a boat any time of the month.
- Boats don't have parents.
- You can share your boat with friends.
- If your boat makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
- If your boat smokes, you can do something about it.
- If you smoke, your boat doesn't care.
- Boats don't whine unless something is really wrong.
- Boats don't care how many other boats you have been in.
- Boats don't care if you look at other boats or if you buy boat magazines.
- Boats don't care how many other boats you have.
- If your boat is too loose, you can tighten it.
- You can have a beer while riding in your boat.
- You don't have to be jealous of the guy working on your boat.
- You don't deal with priests or blood tests when registering your boat.
- If you say bad things to your boat, you don't have to apologize before you can ride again.
- You can ride in your boat as much as you want and it won't get sore.
- Your parents don't keep in touch with your old boats after you dump them.
- Boats always feel like going for a ride.
- Boats don't insult you if you're a bad driver.
- Your boat never wants a night out alone with other boats.
- Boats don't care if you're late.
- You don't have to take a shower before driving your boat.
- It's always O.K. to use tie-downs on your boat.
- If your boat doesn't look good, you can paint it or buy new parts.
- You can't get diseases from riding in other boats.
- Boats curves never sag.
- Boats last longer.
- Boats never get pregnant.
- You can control the speed and time of arrival.
- And, your boat is always wet when you are ready to start.
Christmas Crabs...
Have you ever caught any Christmas Crabs??
You know the ones with "SANDY CLAWS"
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